mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
