When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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