oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
