Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's paint friendship bongs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
