i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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