that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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