i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
