He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
