can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
