At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
