Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
