When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
