Cold hands, warm shart.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
