So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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