Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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