Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
