the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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