i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
