I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
