u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
