our cab driver is having phone sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
