I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
