By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
