you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
