hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
last night I used snow as a chaser
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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