Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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