it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
