apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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