My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
