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Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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