I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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