Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
