Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
