Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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