I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
