Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
