weddingsv make me drug and hornr
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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