if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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