ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
