my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
