I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
