They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
