He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
