You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
