I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
