She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
