Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
