Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
