from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
