I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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