I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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