Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
