I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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