He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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