Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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