when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
