I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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