i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
