All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
