He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
