hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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