I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
